


Potatoes

by orphan_account



Series: Merthur Drabbles [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-03 23:59:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4119313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur likes to people-watch during his shift as a grocery store cashier. When a skinny boy with big ears comes in late at night looking for potatoes, hilarity ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Potatoes

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: “im a cashier and i saw you stuffing your pants full of potatoes and i would stop you but you already have 27 and i want to see how many you can fit" au

Arthur sighed, absentmindedly twiddling the nametag on his garishly red polo. He hated working the last shift at his father’s department store, but between his classes and parties, it was the only time he could make work. Morgana, on the other hand, had some posh job at a jumped-up fashionista place that sometimes paid her in clothes. How could he possibly still be stuck here?

Pendragon Groceries was one of the last stores to close for the night, and as a result, Arthur often saw people who he could describe no more politely than “interesting”, preceded by the usual pause. There had been the woman who was pretty enough, but farted continuously, the bearded young man whom Arthur was surprised to find out was not homeless, and even one time a person that he’d fervently hoped was on his way back from a fancy dress party, and not wearing full medieval regalia for fun. Over the past several months, he’d become quite adept at people-watching, and developed the habit of making up fun little stories for the interesting customers he saw.

As if on cue, the bell over the door jingled, and in walked a young man. Arthur gave him a quick once over, noting his slimness and fair complexion. _Not bad_ , he thought, idly watching him walk by the register. The skinny young man’s most notable characteristic was his rather large ears, so Arthur began his inner monologue.

_His name is...Leopold, and he comes from Lithuania_ , Arthur thought to himself, watching the young man examine the foreign foods section. _His mother used to hang him outside by the ears to dry off after a bath, and that’s how they got so huge._ He snickered slightly to himself. _Yeah, that’s right._

The young man glanced around furtively, turning his back to the lone security camera. Having finished his story, Arthur’s mind wandered off to other subjects. After a minute or two, he glanced over at the lone customer once more, raising his eyebrows at what he saw. “Leopold” was stuffing a potato down his too-large trousers, probably obtained for that exact purpose. He stooped down to tuck the edges into his trainers, letting the potato roll down his leg. He reached out for another, repeating the process. Arthur opened his mouth to yell at him, but closed it.

This could be fun, he thought to himself. Just how many potatoes could Leopold steal before something happened? Casually looking around, Arthur continued to count. By the time Leopold reached ten, he was impressed. At twenty, astounded. His trousers must have been bigger on the inside! When there were thirty-two potatoes crammed down his trousers, Leopold finally stopped, and waddled over to Arthur, placing a pack of gum and some granola bars on the counter.

“Just these, please,” he said cheerfully. Arthur arched an eyebrow.

“All right,” he said, typing into the cash register. “One pack of gum, five granola bars, and thirty-two potatoes.” The skinny boy froze.

“What...how many?” He whispered, color draining from his face.

“Thirty-two,” replied Arthur happily. “I counted.”

“Don’t call the police,” Leopold pleaded, reaching into his trousers to start pulling the offending tubers out.

“Relax,” said Arthur, waving his hand. “Nobody’s going to want to touch those anyway. I just wanted to see how many you could fit in there. Go ahead and keep them - on one condition.”

“Name it,” the young man said breathlessly.

“My shift ends in fifteen minutes,” Arthur said triumphantly. “Come and grab a pint with me.”

“That’s all?” asked the customer, shoulders slumping with relief. “I was going to ask you anyway!”

“Fair enough,” shrugged Arthur. “What’s your name, by the way? I can’t keep calling you Leopold.”

“I’m Merlin,” said the young man, raising his eyebrows. “Where on Earth did you get Leopold from?”

“I’ll tell you later,” chuckled Arthur, bagging Merlin’s purchases. “Meet you at the Rising Sun in fifteen, all right?”

“See you there,” promised Merlin, pulling up his weighted trousers and walking out the door.

 **  
** “Oh, and be sure to change your trousers,” Arthur called after him wickedly, eliciting a groan from Merlin.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't ask me about the logistics of potato-fitting, because I have no idea how he did it either.


End file.
